Home 2.0

The Queen of the Pigeons surveys her domain from atop the head of the lady representing Seville in the fountain at the heart of this ancient city.

They say to err is human, to really foul things up requires a computer. But I believe that proverb does our species an injustice. Because when we really put our backs into it, Homo sapiens can achieve acts so breathtakingly muttonheaded they’d make ChatGPT blush.  
 
Or as Albert Einstein put it, “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the universe."
 
Case in point: the sudden appearance of parking meters in my California village (pop. 12, 645) this summer.
 
One minute they were no more than an uneasy rumor, the next our peaceful sidewalks sprouted four-foot obelisks labeled — tauntingly, and with obvious sarcasm —  “Fast & Easy Parking Payments.”

Not quite as fast or easy as advertised

The instructions were so incomprehensible they had to add a sandwich board on the pavement next to each one, re-explaining in yet more elaborate detail that no, it doesn’t take cash, and to use a credit card, you have to enter your car’s license plate number — yes, that means hiking back to the car, often blocks away, to note it down. Then you come back and enter your zone number. What zone number? Sharpen your wits, people!
 
It's no wonder local merchants reported that long-time customers were showing up in tears of rage and frustration. And then not showing up at all.
 
Petitions to scrap the whole ill-considered project were circulated. Town hall meetings were held, allowing for a free and frank exchange of views. And then ten days ago, just before I left for Spain, I heard the joyous news: the parking meters were being removed.
 
I spent much of the overseas flight picturing my neighbors hauling the obelisks and sandwich boards into the street, dousing them with gasoline, striking matches, and dancing around the bonfire singing “Ding Dong the Witch is Dead.” 

​More realistically, I expect the maintenance crew whisked everything away under the cover of darkness. Village officials have declared this a victory for the democratic process and are busy convincing themselves everyone will forget about the whole debacle before the next election cycle.

"Our recent polls show that most of the voters like you except when you mention the words 'parking meter.'"

​When I arrived in Spain, my international friends gave me a warm welcome tinged with amazement that I had managed to squeak through six months in America alive, reasonably sane, and without a stint in the maximum security wing of a foreign prison.

​According to a recent poll, 97.8% of Europeans are following US politics, but luckily for me they are fair-minded enough not hold individual citizens responsible for the actions of the government.
 
This generosity of spirit even extends to vacationers; despite all the overwrought headlines about anti-tourist attitudes, Europeans do not judge the conduct of American visitors nearly as harshly as we judge ourselves. According to a recent survey, while more than half of us worry we’re perceived as the archetypal “ugly Americans,” only a quarter of Europeans see us in a negative light. We’re regarded as loud, friendly, and not significantly better or worse than visitors from elsewhere.

Polling and graphic: Upgraded Points

Are Europeans more critical of us now, in the light of recent political events? “Yes,” say 80% of American tourists polled. “Not at all,” say 80% of the EU respondents.
 
Perhaps our EU hosts don’t see much difference because they have always considered us mad as a box of frogs. They remain utterly baffled by our attitudes and values. Like what? For a start, our obsession with money.
 
A hundred years ago, Nancy Mitford (you may remember her as the literary sister in the Netflix series Outrageous) observed, “Americans relate all effort, all work, and all of life itself to the dollar. Their talk is of nothing but dollars.”

Nancy's point was illustrated yet again by an American visitor who recently wandered into Seville's beloved Cervecería International (International Beer Hall).

Cervecería Internacional, in downtown Seville near the cathedral, has been family owned and operated since 1987.

As he stood sipping a cold one, the American concocted a foolproof plan for leveraging the bar’s popularity. All the owner needed to do was upgrade the food and stop closing for the afternoon siesta, so foreign tourists could spend more time there drinking, eating, and generating profits. The owner could double his income practically overnight.
 
The American went to the owner and explained, with all due modesty, that this was the opportunity of a lifetime. You’re welcome.
 
The owner politely dismissed the idea. He already had the one thing almost no one in the US can even imagine obtaining: enough. Enough money to live on, enough status to be comfortable in the community, and enough time to go home and have lunch with his family every day. Why upend a good life for a few extra euros? The American is still shaking his head over the man’s foolishness.

It’s easy to see how Americans became so transactional. Our nation was founded and continually enriched by people willing to leave family and friends behind to pursue fresh economic opportunities. Today millions of us move across the country for college and work, leaving families and friends scattered in our wake. We typically uproot every six years, moving 11.7 times during our lifetime.
 
How often do the Spanish move? I couldn't find a statistic. Apparently moving is so much less of a thing here that nobody is tracking the numbers.
 
But then, numbers never tell the whole story anyway. Pollsters’ statistics about attitudes won’t help me figure out how each of my neighbors actually views the current geopolitical upheavals, or help me convey how much America has changed — almost beyond recognition — in recent months. I suspect I will have a lot of splanin’ to do.

Is there a sensible explanation? I haven't found one.

These days it’s easy to feel that the earth has tilted off its access and we’re all tumbling into a state of cosmic chaos. But if I’ve learned anything from living in Seville — my Home 2.0 — it’s that we humans are incredibly resilient. The Visigoths, Romans, Moors, Inquisitors, Great Plague of 1649, Fascists, and international tourists have all invaded this city, yet somehow Seville is still standing. And still fueling the dreams of those who want to explore the world with open eyes and hearts.
 
There is risk in every experiment and adventure, and when things run amok, the best we can do is try to learn from our mistakes. “Success,” said Winston Churchill, “is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”
 
I like to think that even as I type this, the last of those ill-advised parking meters is being hurled onto the scrap heap of village history, never to be seen again. As Truman Capote put it, “Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.” Comebacks are the sweetest. Just ask Jimmy Kimmel.

Welcome back, Jimmy!

HOME 2.0

This is the first in my fresh series of blog posts exploring how the new world order is affecting the lives of expats, travelers, and local families in Spain and throughout Europe. Join me on the journey of discovery.

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