Enjoy Living Abroad
  • Start Here
  • My Blog
  • My Travel Books
    • LOOK INSIDE NEW BOOK
    • ENJOY MOVING ABROAD
    • MOVING TO SEVILLE
    • EASTERN EUROPE
    • PACKING GUIDE
    • 101 EXPAT TIPS
  • Travel Tips
    • Packing
    • The Expat Lifestyle
    • Enjoy the Best of Seville
  • World Food
  • Dive Bars
  • About
  • Contact

Join us on the journey

Where Does an Expat Call "Home" in Dark Times?

11/10/2016

13 Comments

 
PictureEvery year, Lola and Rich present the holiday turkey to the assembled guests.
“You will never be completely at home again,” said author Miriam Adeney, “because part of your heart always will be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place.” 
 
This is true of nearly everyone I know, especially my fellow Americans; we move an average of eleven times during our lives, leaving family and friends scattered in our wakes from coast to coast — and for the eight million of us living overseas, nation to nation.

​​In interviews I’m often asked, “What is the hardest part of being an expat?” And I always explain that it’s saying goodbye to so many people I hold dear. Going back and forth between the US and Spain involves the sweet sorrow of many partings. And by definition, expats from every nation are inclined to seek geographic solutions to problems with life and jobs. Now there are digital nomads who work over the Internet and move on whenever their 90-day tourist visas expire, exploring the world as they build online careers. All too often, when I’ve met someone congenial and begin to wonder if this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship, my new pal announces she’s moving next week to Switzerland, Vietnam, or New Zealand. When I first arrived in Seville, an American who’d lived there for decades asked how long I was staying, adding honestly, “Because if you’re just here for the short term, I don’t want to get attached!”

​Back in those early days as an expat, I felt deep confusion over the word “home.” Did it apply to Seville, where I spent most of my time? To California, where I was born and did much of my growing up? To Cleveland, where Rich and I lived for 20 years? I had always thought of home as a physical center point: the base camp from which I explored the world, the kitchen where I cooked Thanksgiving dinner, the cave to which I retreated to lick my wounds when disaster struck in jobs or relationships or world events. Six years ago in Seville, we were hosting Thanksgiving dinner for 20 friends from half a dozen countries, and after dessert, one little girl left the table and ran up and down my hallway shouting, “It’s great to be alive! It’s great to be alive!” And I thought A) she’s right, and B) this truly is home.
​

Picture
Enjoying the Christmas feast with good friends in our Seville apartment.
PictureSpain meets USA: Rich and Bob, making paella in San Anselmo, CA

​​But Rich and I also spend a good chunk of each year, about four months, in San Anselmo, California. We don’t want to become disconnected from our family and friends — or our culture; America is something you have to stay in practice for, and we don’t want to lose our touch. But dividing each year between two places can get confusing. In the early days, I used to feel a faint, nagging disloyalty to my Seville life whenever I referred to San Anselmo as “home.” But the longer I live and travel abroad, the more I realize that going out into the world isn’t about abandoning home, it’s about expanding our definition of it.
 
I have friends who live in gated communities and exist in a state of constant, low-grade fear of everyone outside the walls. It’s as if they had chosen to retreat to a medieval fortress and worried, every time the drawbridge went down, that the guy delivering flowers or the woman coming in to fix the phone lines was a terrorist laying the groundwork for an attack. These friends live in constant, barbarians-at-the-gate vigilance, trusting, it seems, fewer people every year, narrowing their definition of “us” to a very small circle indeed. Getting out and meeting strangers is the best way I know to stop viewing the world through the distorting lens of “us” versus “them.” As Mark Twain put it, “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry and narrowmindedness.”
 
So I count myself lucky to live in two countries and visit so many others in my wanderings. Now, when someone announces an imminent move, I still feel sad that we won’t be hobnobbing in Seville (or San Anselmo) anymore, but I rejoice in the fact that I now have someone to visit in Switzerland, Vietnam, or New Zealand. In dark times, I take comfort from having friends all over the world, thinking of each one as a candle placed in a window, guiding me home.  

Picture
Candles in Tallinn, Estonia
THINKING ABOUT MOVING ABROAD? YOU MIGHT ENJOY
KINDLE EDITION NOW ON SALE @ HALF PRICE
13 Comments
    Picture
    Karen McCann

    I'm an American writer living in Seville, Spain and traveling the world with my husband, Rich. I make frequent trips to the USA,  especially my native California, because America is something you have to stay in practice for, and I don't want to lose my touch.

    OUR CURRENT LOCATION:
    San Anslemo, CA
    NEW RELEASE 
    Picture
    See all my books
    See my videos
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture

    BLOG ARCHIVES 

    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011

    CATEGORIES

    All
    32 Years Together
    7 Best Travel Tips
    Acupuncture
    Address To A Haggis
    Adriatic Sea
    AirBnB
    Air Travel
    Air Travel Myths
    Alicia Bay Laurel
    Amazon
    American Resistance France
    American Taboos
    A Month Of Italy
    Amsterdam
    Anthony Hopkins
    Anxious Traveler
    Apps
    Arizona
    Armadillos
    Artichokes
    Artwalk
    Atomic Bunker Museum
    Attention Test
    Austria
    Authentic Travel
    Automation = Apocalypse?
    A Year Of Travel
    Bagpipe Music
    Baltasar
    Banana Bread
    Bari
    Barletta
    Barrio Abierto
    Bathroom
    Beastly Spasm
    Becherovka
    Bed Bugs
    Beer
    Belgrade
    Best Apps 2016
    Best Foodie City
    Best & Worst
    Bet
    Better Homes And Gardens Cook Book
    Betty Soskin
    Bhutan
    Bigfoot Museum
    Big Rail Trip 2016
    Biohazard Bag
    Bird
    Black Angels
    Blogs & Websites
    Book Club
    Book Cover
    Books
    Bookstores
    Botiza
    Brain-enhanced Chimps
    Brains Of The Pig
    Breakfast In Seville
    Bucharest
    Budapest
    Budget
    Bulgaria
    Bulgarian Festivals
    Bulgarian Folklore
    Bull's Head
    Burns Supper
    Buzzworthy Words
    CA
    Cabalgata
    CA Cheese Trail
    Ca ‘de Anime
    Caganer
    Cagliari
    Calvin Trillin
    Camels
    Carbon-Conscious Rail Travel
    Castle Houska
    České Budějovice
    České Budějovice
    Chained Wallet
    Chakra Stone
    Chickens
    Chocolate Nativity Scene
    Chocolatour
    Chris Brady
    Christmas
    Christmas In Seville
    Christmas Traditions
    Chulalongkorn University
    Clara Bensen
    Climate Change
    Coca-Cola
    Coffee
    Comfort Food
    Communism Museum
    Costa Women
    Cows Come Home
    Croatia
    Cruz De Mayo In Seville
    Cuba: 10 Tips
    Cuba: Legendary Snafu
    Czech Please
    Czech Republic
    Dan Brown's Inspiration
    Dance
    Dancing In The Fountain
    Dancing In The Foutnain
    Dancing On Bars
    Debunking Travel Myths
    Detours & Delays
    Devil's Museum
    Diners
    Disappointing Destinations
    Disaster Survival Tips
    Dive Bars
    Dive Bars Of Italy
    Dive Bars Of Seville
    Dogs
    Doing It
    Donna Red Wing
    Dragon
    Drink-Ease
    Driverless Cars
    Duck Plaza
    Duquesa De Alba
    Earthquakes
    EatWith
    Emergency Measures
    Emergency Preparedness
    Enjoy Moving Abroad
    Entrails Soup
    Epiphany
    E-readers
    Erratic Boulder
    Estonia
    Eurail
    European Dinner Plate
    European Food
    Evernote
    Exercise On The Road
    Expat In Dark Times
    Expats In America2.0
    Expect Delays
    Eye-popping Landmarks
    Fake Wallet
    Family
    Farruquito
    Fellini
    Finland
    First Aid Kit
    Five Meals A Day
    Flea Market
    Flophouses
    Folklore
    Fondu
    Food Tours
    Foreign
    Foreigners
    Fork In The Road
    Fountain
    Free Wi-Fi Finder
    French Women Don't Get Fat
    Fried Flies
    Full Catastrophe Living
    Galileo Offline
    Gates Of Hell
    Gazpacho Recipe
    Genoa
    Genova
    George Takei
    Georgia
    Georgian Grey Bear
    Germany
    Ghost
    Gin Joints
    Glass Wall Of Tourism
    Going Spiral
    Google-glass
    Google Translate
    Gps
    Grandma Cooper
    Granola Recipe
    Grapes
    Greek Coffee
    Greek Wines
    Group Tours
    Guest Blog
    Guest Etiquette
    Guests
    Haggis
    Halloween
    Handyman's Guide
    Hannibal Lecter
    Helsinki
    Herzeg Novi
    Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy291cb11256
    Holiday Lights
    Holidays In Seville
    Holiday Survival Guide
    Holy Grail
    Home For The Holidays
    Horse
    Hospitals
    Houseguest
    House Hunting
    House Of The Spirits
    Houska Castle
    How To Meet People
    Hrad Houska
    Hungary
    Hydration
    Iberian Lynx
    Ibrik
    Icloud
    Immigrants
    India
    Indiana Jones
    In Search Of America Tour
    Ipad
    IPhone Photos
    Irail
    Italy
    Jacket
    Jan The Beachcomber
    Japan
    Jet Lag
    Jet Lag Apps
    John The Baptist
    Joseph Campbell
    Joya Shoes
    July 4th In USA
    Katka Lapelosa
    Kavarma
    Kgb
    Kgb Muzeum
    Kindle
    King Wenceslas
    Kotor
    Koyono Jacket
    Krakow
    Krakow's Dragon
    Ladies Room
    Lady And The Tramp
    La Font De La Figuera
    Laptop Ban
    Larissa Olenicoff
    Latvia
    Laughter Project
    Lederhosen
    Legal
    Legend
    LGBT Rights
    Library
    Lindsay Lake
    Lithuania
    Little White Lie
    Little Women
    Live To 100
    Longevity
    Lord Peter Wimsey
    Low-Tech Travel Tips
    Lübeck
    Lucky Grapes
    Lucky Red Underwear
    Luggage
    Luggage-free Travel
    Luggage-Free Travel? Try It
    Lviv
    Lynne And Tim Martin
    Maps
    Marijuana
    Mars One
    Matrimony
    Mbt Shoes
    Meal Schedules
    Meal Sharing
    Meaning Of Home
    Mediterranean Dive Bars
    Menlo Park Library
    Mentally Unpack Your Bags
    Mermaids
    Metropol Parasol Building
    Miracle Tile Of Vilnius
    Mobilize America
    Money
    Money Handling
    Monster Of Milpitas
    Montenegro
    Most Dangerous Woman In America
    Museum Of Communism
    Mystery Spot
    Naples
    Napoli
    National Lampoon's European Vacation
    Nativity Scene
    Nepal
    New
    Newark Of Italy
    New Orleans
    New Year's Eve
    New Year's Eve Abroad
    New Year's In Seville
    New York Times
    No-Jet-Lag
    Nomad Eating
    Obatzda
    Olive Oil
    Optimism & Survival
    Orichiette Pasta
    Outhouse
    Packing
    Packing Demonstration
    Packing Tips
    Paella
    Painting
    Palacio De Las Dueñas
    Palermo
    Parlor Games On The Road
    Passport Issue
    Pasta
    Pasta Recipe
    Patriotism. US
    Peaceful Resistance
    Pécs
    Peruvian Pavilion
    Pesto Sauce
    Photography
    Picking Tapas Bars
    PIzza
    Platter Of Salome
    Plaza De España
    Plaza De Pato
    Plumbing Nightmare
    Podgorica
    Poltergeist
    Pop-culture Museum
    Pope Benedict
    Pop-up Restaurants
    Prague
    Predictions
    Print On Demand
    Propaganda Museum
    Pub Culture
    Public Library
    Purgatory
    Pussyhats
    Quirky Travel Pix
    Ramona Langley
    Reading Group
    Ready To Move Abroad?
    Recipe
    Recombobulation
    Recycling
    Red Underwear
    Rennes-le-Chateau
    Republic Of Užupis
    Resistance School
    Resistance Summer 2017
    Retire Abroad
    Reyes Magos In Seville
    RFID-blocking Rogue Money Clip
    Rich On Packing
    Riga
    Risotto
    Roadrunner
    Roadside Attractions
    Robert Mugabe
    Rocket Scientists
    Rolling Stones
    Romania
    Romería Del Rocío In Seville
    Romesco Sauce Recipe
    Rosie The Riveter
    Ross Williams
    Rural Romania
    Ruse
    Russian Mafia
    Sacramento
    San Anselmo Flooding
    San Ildefonso Church
    Sardinia
    Sassari
    Science Museum
    Scottevest
    Scottevest 8-pocket Pants
    Secret Supper Clubs
    Security On The Road
    Seinfeld Episode
    Semana Santa
    Senior Gypsies
    Serbia
    Setas
    Seville
    Seville Holidays
    Seville In Winter
    Seville's Tapas Bars
    Sex Shops
    Shackleton Ad A Myth
    Shared Dining
    Shoe Bomb
    Shoes
    Shoestring Travel
    Shopska Salad
    Šiauliai
    Sicilian Grandmothers
    Silicon Valley
    Skype Wifi7994daf88f
    Slovakia
    Snack Foods
    Snail
    Snail Museum
    Snail On The Rails
    Snail Slime Skin Cream
    Snakes
    Snowed In
    Sofia
    Sophia Loren
    SOS File
    Spaghetti
    Spain
    Spain Savvy
    Spicy Shrimp In Mango Salsa Recipe
    Spiritual Path To Resistance
    Spiritual Weightlifter
    Springtime For Hitler
    Stanford Prison Experiment
    Staycation
    Stephen King
    Still Expecting Delays
    Stockholm Disaster
    Stone Lifter
    Strange
    Strawberries
    Suitcase
    Switzerland
    Symbolic Thinking
    Tapas
    Tapenade Recipe
    Tapeo
    Taxi
    Tblisi
    Temple
    The Balkans
    The Blonde Gypsy
    The Exorcist
    The Joy Of Eating
    The Mothership
    The Next Big Thing
    The Other Turkey
    The Power Of Myth
    The Producers
    The Wave
    Three Kings
    Time Travel
    Track My Tour
    Train Lag
    Train Travel
    Transylvania
    Travel
    Travel As Political Act
    Travel Clothes
    Travel Companions
    Travel Destinations
    Travel Experiments
    Travel Fashion
    Travel Photography Tricks
    Travel Photos
    Travel Vest
    Travel With
    Triposo
    True Cross
    Tsa
    Twelve Days Of Christmas
    Tyrolian Alps
    Uber
    Uc Berkeley
    Ukraine
    Ultra-Light Luggage
    Upotonek
    Vampires
    Veliko Tarnovo
    Verona
    Vest
    Victoria Twead
    Vilnius
    Virtual Tax March
    Visitors
    Vodka
    Vodka & Pickles
    Wall Street Journal
    Wandering Earl
    Warsaw
    Washington
    Water
    Watermelon Gazpacho
    Weasel Coffee
    Weird Gifts
    Wenceslas Square
    Whiskey Every Day
    Winchester Mystery House
    Winner
    Winter In Seville
    Wireless Generation
    Wolf's Lair
    World Chocolate
    Worst
    Worst Travel Moment
    Wow Finish To Long Trip
    Writing
    Xe Currency
    Yodeling
    Yoga For Travelers
    Zagreb
    Zigzag Fountain953a67c066
    Zimbabwe
    Zurich

  • Start Here
  • My Blog
  • My Travel Books
    • LOOK INSIDE NEW BOOK
    • ENJOY MOVING ABROAD
    • MOVING TO SEVILLE
    • EASTERN EUROPE
    • PACKING GUIDE
    • 101 EXPAT TIPS
  • Travel Tips
    • Packing
    • The Expat Lifestyle
    • Enjoy the Best of Seville
  • World Food
  • Dive Bars
  • About
  • Contact