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32 Years Ago Today

12/27/2018

34 Comments

 
​Today is our 32nd wedding anniversary. Yes, Rich and I were married two days after Christmas, creating maximum inconvenience for family and friends, especially those arriving from out of town. Selfishly, we chose this awkward date to enable us to take two weeks off work for our Costa Rica honeymoon. And although we'd talked of living abroad on our very first date, and have traveled as often as possible throughout our marriage, in those early days we could never have imagined that we’d be celebrating this anniversary at our home in Seville, Spain.  
​
Honeymoon in Costa Rica / 36 Years Ago Today / Karen McCann / EnjoyLivingAbroad.com
On our honeymoon in Costa Rica

​“What is the traditional gift for the 32nd?” Rich asked me this morning. 

We’d already exchanged our modest gifts, so I knew this was mere idle curiosity. I had no idea, and when I went to look it up, I discovered that — at least in the US and UK — nobody else does either. After the 20th (china) most gift charts only show milestone anniversaries; apparently they assume that after two-plus decades of wedded life, you’re either divorced, dead, or able to come up with a suitable present on your own. Recently, however, greeting card manufacturers and others eager to promote anniversary-related spending have come up with a few ideas to fill in the gaps, and for the 32nd they’ve designated transportation.
 
“To honour your 32nd wedding anniversary with a gift, surprise your wife with a new car,” says MyWeddingAnniversary.com. As there’s no equivalent recommendation for something women might give their husbands (that list started with a travel mug) this suggestion seems based on flagrantly paternalistic stereotypes. And then, as if that wasn’t offensive enough, they add, “Smaller and less-expensive 32nd anniversary treats can include car air fresheners in her favourite scent.” No, they can’t. If Rich ever gave me a car air freshener on a romantic occasion, we would be at the office of a marriage counselor the very next morning.

The Anniversary Gift Your Wife Doesn't Want / 36 Years Ago Today / Karen McCann / EnjoyLivingAbroad.com
This is not what your wife wants for any anniversary. Trust me on this.

​I can only assume that these ridiculous suggestions are written by young people whose ideas about aging and long-term relationships are based entirely on memes and sitcoms. As a culture, our views about aging are all over the place; we can’t even agree about when it starts. In the NY Times article Am I ‘Old’? Stephen Petrow wrote, “As with beauty, the meaning of ‘old’ also depends on the person you ask. Millennials, now in their 20s and 30s, say that old starts at 59, according to a 2017 study by U.S. Trust. Gen Xers, now in their 40s — and no doubt with a new appreciation for just how close they are to entering their 50s — say 65 is the onset of old. Boomers and the Greatest Generation pegged 73 as the beginning of old. Clearly, much depends on the perspective of who’s being asking to define ‘old.’”
 
I don’t often quote Ronald Reagan, but he did a lovely job of putting age in its place during a 1984 presidential debate when he was 73 and running against 56-year-old Walter Mondale. 


Two thousand years ago, the average life expectancy was 25, and if you were lucky enough to survive into your seventies, you were revered for your wisdom and consulted by your tribe on matters great and small. Today traditional knowledge isn’t very helpful when we’re struggling to come to grips with a new iPhone or decide whether to invest in a driverless car from Tesla. But that’s just stuff. When it's a question of living a good life, those of us in what the Spanish call “the third age” still have some tremendous advantages. For a start, we have seen a great many scenarios unfold over the years and, if we’ve been paying attention, have learned a thing or two about human nature and the ways of the world. And perhaps even more importantly, we realize the value of relationships built over time.
 
That’s why I love getting cards, notes, and emails at the holidays; to me, every single one is a love letter. 

Holiday cards are love letters / 36 Years Ago Today / Karen McCann / EnjoyLivingAbroad.com

In December of 2012 I wrote, “Today, I live thousands of miles from my relatives and many others who are dear to me; they’re scattered around the globe from the Americas to Asia to Europe to Down Under. I’ll never again see everyone I love gathered under one roof. At holiday celebrations I sometimes feel a pang about the faces I don’t see around my table. 

“But I am deeply grateful that I live in an age where I can stay in close contact with those who are far away. We email, we talk on Skype, and when the stars align, we meet up somewhere and enjoy each other’s company. My social circle is no longer geographically defined. It’s a bit like iCloud; my friends are not always physically on hand, but they seem to appear when I need them most.”
 
After seven years as a blogger, I feel much the same way about my readers. Many of you have written comments on my posts for years; others send me private notes via email; some have come to visit me in Seville or arranged for us to rendezvous in other parts of the world. You have made me laugh, and cry, and think, and keep on writing. My friendship circle continues to expand in ways Rich and I could never have envisioned when we walked down the aisle all those years ago. I want to thank you all for being a part of it. And I want to thank Rich for learning the real secret of a happy marriage: never, ever give your wife a car air freshener as an anniversary gift.
 
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34 Comments
Milton
12/27/2018 06:29:59 pm

Congratulations on your anniversary. You and us bracketed Christmas 32 years ago when Donna and I married December 19th. Well done, eh? And Happy New Year to both of you.

Reply
Karen McCann
12/27/2018 07:33:13 pm

Thanks, Milt! I didn't realize you two married the same month we did. Who else would be crazy enough to get hitched at the holidays? Happy belated anniversary to you both, and happy New Year as well!

Reply
Sharon
12/27/2018 06:51:42 pm

Congratulations and many more years together. I read your blogs, they inspire me. I came to live in Portugal, from Australia, with my Portuguese husband 5 years ago. I have a totally different life to you as we have a small farm and grow most of our food. But, we live near a small city and there is always something going on.

Have a wonderful New Year

Reply
Karen McCann
12/27/2018 07:35:39 pm

Thanks for your kind congratulations, Sharon. I'm so glad you enjoy my stories! Your life in Portugal sounds amazing, living on a small farm and growing your own food. Congratulations on building a new life abroad.And happy New Year to you and your husband.

Reply
Steve McC link
12/27/2018 07:01:52 pm

What a great post Karen! Loved it! Happy Anniversary! Can't wait for your reflections after number 33, 34, 35,.... Sending much happiness to you and Rich.

Reply
Karen McCann
12/27/2018 07:38:13 pm

Thanks, Steve. So glad you liked the post. It's fun to look back over so much history; and I'm sure I have much to learn in the time ahead. Wishing you, Pia, Vincent and Matilde all the best for the rest of your visit to California and for 2019!

Reply
Catherine Hutchison
12/27/2018 07:59:15 pm

Every anniversary brings new memories and new hopes. Lee and I are working on year 38 and still find reasons to laugh, talk and dream about the future.
Many happy returns!
I would soaker hose or paper shredder to the air freshener list.

Reply
Karen McCann
12/28/2018 09:10:04 am

Catherine, your wisdom re: soaker hoses and paper shredders is a good indicator as to why you and Lee are still enjoying each other in your 38th year. Nothing wrong with a practical gift now and then, but not for commemorating a romantic occasion. I so agree that laughing, talking, and dreaming about the future are what hold us together in the long run.

Reply
Alicia Bay Laurel link
12/27/2018 07:59:54 pm

Congratulations, Karen and Rich!

I have so enjoyed coming along on your travels as a reader.

Here's to 32 more!

Reply
Karen McCann
12/28/2018 09:10:32 am

Amen to that, Alicia!

Reply
Shéa MacLeod link
12/27/2018 08:02:02 pm

Happy anniversary, you crazy kids. May there be many more to come!

Reply
Karen McCann
12/28/2018 09:11:10 am

From your lips to God's ear, Shéa!

Reply
Andrea Murphy
12/27/2018 09:30:26 pm

Happy Anniversary Uncle Rich and Karen. 32 years is a long time. May you have 32 more!
Love you both!

Reply
Karen McCann
12/28/2018 09:13:54 am

Thanks so much, Andrea! And even if we don't make it to our 64th anniversary (which of course we're hoping to do), it's been a hell of a ride! Much love to you and Matt.

Reply
David Palladino
12/27/2018 10:22:59 pm

Happy Anniversary Karen and Rich.love your blog.

Reply
Isabel María Presa Terrón
12/28/2018 12:00:31 am

Dear Rich and Karen,

Happy 32 Anniversary!

You are the funniest couple who has ever met!

Continue both of you with such a positive energy!

We will enjoy at the Breakfast time after our yoga class.

The Universe will give us another 32 years of celebrations!

Namasté,

with my love ,
Isabel

Reply
Karen McCann
12/28/2018 09:16:19 am

Thanks for your good wishes, your friendship, and for being in that yoga class even when we collapse on the floor because it's so hard. Much love and namasté to you and Julio!

Karen McCann
12/28/2018 09:14:38 am

Thanks, David, So glad you like the blog, and your good wishes are greatly appreciated!

Reply
Kitty
12/28/2018 12:52:14 am

Happy Anniversary! Tomorrow is Harvey's 70th so funny you should mention that year. I wait for your Blog posts especially the laughs. Our family is in Puerto Vallarta where the weather is nice, our condo is amazing but the food is nothing like Seville. I would much rather be visiting Palacios. Congratulations on a long adventurous relationship and Happy New Year.
Cheers,
Kitty

Reply
Karen McCann
12/28/2018 09:20:38 am

Wish Harvey a happy 70th from us. May you two keep on having grand travel adventures and enjoying each other's company. Happy New Year!

Reply
Sandy Thacker
12/28/2018 12:57:09 pm

Karen I just love your blogs. I'm especially enjoying your moving banner. My husband and I eloped to Edinburgh 27 years ago. Since then we have lived/worked there for a year, then ten years later we spent a year in France. So what you have done / are doing appeals to us on many levels. Thank you for the time you spend sharing your stories! Sandy and Randy in Canada

Reply
Karen McCann
12/28/2018 06:26:36 pm

I'm so glad you like the stories, Sandy, and the moving banner (something new that I worked hard on, so thanks for noticing!). Sounds like you and Randy have had a very adventurous life — eloping to Edinburgh, living in Scotland, France and now Canada. Kudos to you two for seizing so many opportunities for adventure. May 2019 bring you fun times and grand adventures!

Reply
Denise SanSAntonio Zeman
12/28/2018 01:25:47 pm

Happy Anniversary! You and Rich are an inspiration in love and commitment, travel, and adventure. You see the glass as half full, and usually because you've enjoyed the other half in a dive bar! I so enjoy your stories, and wish you many more happy trails. Hope we can meet up in one of your interesting venues one of these days. In the meantime, I will continue to relish in your zest for life and love.

Reply
Karen McCann
12/28/2018 06:29:10 pm

Lovely to hear from you, Denise, and I love your line about seeing the glass half full because we've enjoyed the other half in a dive bar. That's so us! Thanks for your good wishes and yes, it would be great to meet up one of these days. We're planning lots of travel starting in spring of 2019, so maybe our paths will cross somewhere. Fingers crossed!

Reply
Traci A.
12/28/2018 08:38:34 pm

Wow - look at you two kids! I don't think I've ever seen a photo of the two of you when you were younger. Enjoy your anniversary and everything that life together has brought you. All the very best!

Reply
Karen McCann
12/29/2018 08:12:41 am

Thanks for your good wishes, Traci. Yeah, we were a lot younger 32 years ago! We've put on some mileage since then, but I still see that expression on Rich's face when we're off on an adventure. Good to hear from you! Happy everything in 2019!

Reply
Sine link
12/28/2018 09:59:57 pm

LOL, I agree with you on both points - car air fresheners are awful and would make a terrible anniversary gift, and also, Ronald Reagan totally nailed that line during that debate (though I also don't often quote him). I always love to hear your voice of wisdom! Hope you had happy holidays, and wishing you a Happy "slide" - as we call it in Germany - into 2019!

Reply
Karen McCann
12/29/2018 08:22:02 am

Sine, I love that expression — a happy slide into 2019 — and plan to use it whenever possible. Thanks for that, and for your good wishes. The holidays have been wonderful so far. Of course, here in Spain they just keep on going. On New Year's Eve, which the Spanish call "Nochevieja," meaning Old Night., we all wear red underwear and eat 12 grapes. And then there's a huge parade on the eve of Epiphany, January 6, known here as Los Reyes Magos, the Magician Kings. Then it's 6 whole weeks until the next big fiesta, Valentine's, and then the big spring fiestas start. It takes a lot of stamina to live here! Wishing you and your family all good things for the slide into 2019!

Reply
Conchy link
12/29/2018 12:59:33 am

Happy anniversary, and happy and healthy new year.! My husband and I celebrated our 60th wedding anniversary last July 3. And like you have been blessed with living in Santiago de Compostela as newly weds while studying, in Alabama while my husband was in the Army and the rest of our lives in Puerto Rico where we were born. But... Have enjoyed traveling and love to visit new places and others we have love. And our children have "inherited" our love of traveling. Now in our 80s is harder to travel and cannot go as often, but are always planning a new one. Keep it up! Love your blog and travel thru your travels. Thanks.

Reply
Karen McCann
12/29/2018 08:27:11 am

Wow, 60 years! Now that's something to celebrate, Conchy. Congratulations to you and your husband. It sounds like you've had a very interesting life so far, and it's wonderful to know the two of you are still planning adventures. Thank you for being part of my readers' circle and for reaching out to me with your good wishes. Here's wishing all good things for you and your husband in 2019.

Reply
Doreen Pendgracs link
12/30/2018 06:39:29 pm

Hi Karen. I am thrilled to find your site and am having a blast making my way around it. Happy 32nd Anniversary! It is kind of a bittersweet Christmas for me as this is the first one that my husband is living in a personal care home (due to vascular dementia.) We used to love travelling together, but alas those days are over. I'm grateful that I have a number of gal pals who join me on my various chocolate travel research trips as I'm not one for solo travel. Looking forward to getting to know you better, and all the best for 2019.

Reply
Karen McCann
12/31/2018 08:58:02 am

Doreen, I saw your beautiful, heartbreaking post on your Chocolatour.net blog about your husband; what a nightmare for you both. I shudder to imagine how hard it must have been for you to accept the new reality that a personal care home is the best place for Reg to live now. I deeply admire the grace and courage you've shown in the face of this difficult transition. Here's hoping that 2019 is a year with fewer challenges and more chocolate.

Reply
Faye
12/30/2018 11:48:29 pm

My younger son was married on Jan. 2, the day after New Years Day. Never think of wishing them Happy Anniversary as it was all such a whirlwind with preparations in midst of holidays that I think I blocked it all out in order to survive!

Enjoyed this post as well as all the comments from followers of different cultures...interesting & educational such as “Happy Slide into 2019” and “Nochevieja “ Old Night! Both reasonate with me!

A belated Happy Anniversary to you & Rich (love that cute pic)and a Healthy & Happy New Year to you and all your followers! Can’t wait to hear where you will be traveling!!!

Reply
Karen McCann
12/31/2018 09:03:12 am

Thanks for you good wishes, and for sharing that story about your younger son. Like his anniversary, ours sometimes takes a back seat to the general festivities of the season, although we always manage some sort of small celebration. This year, we wound up in a cozy neighborhood bar, which had opened just days before, and Rich bought a round of cava for everyone in it. The dozen people in the place weren't strangers for long, as you can imagine! A fun way to celebrate on the road. Wishing you a wonderful New Year and all the best in 2019, Faye!

Reply



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    Karen McCann
    TO I'm an American travel writer based in Seville, Spain.

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