When I was a journalist in Ohio, I was often astonished by the incredibly indiscreet things people would blurt out for the record. For instance, I was once interviewing a friend for a piece called “What Women Think Men Should Know About Sex,” and she told me, “Men know nothing about pleasing a woman.” I could never view her husband quite the same way after that. How did I get people to open up? Usually by simply taking out a tape recorder or flipping open a notebook. My penetrating investigative technique usually entailed a starter question such as “What made you take up juggling?” or “How many hours a day do you practice the violin?” Half an hour later I was privy to every known fact relating to their career, their best friend’s extramarital affair, their dog’s embarrassing struggles with incontinence, and how they would improve things if they ruled the world. I would frequently end an interview by backing out the door, saying for the fifth time, “Well, that certainly covers it! Thanks for your time!” Some would then follow me to my car, saying breathlessly, “And another thing that happened when I was sixteen…” So for our upcoming train trip through Central and Eastern Europe, I’m not too worried about getting people to open up a little and say diverting things that I can report back to you on this blog. But I did wonder if it might be interesting to come up with a question or two that I’d slip into all my conversations, so that later I could do some sort of comparison. I was still mulling this over when I heard a podcast from NPR about young Andrew Forsthoefel who, out of work and seeking a project, decided to walk from his Pennsylvania home to New Orleans and on to the Pacific Coast, interviewing people along the way. He started out asking everyone a thoughtful question about life transitions that essentially elicited blank stares. Then he hit on a new approach: “If you could go back in time and give your 23-year-old self one piece of advice, what would it be?” He got marvelous responses – funny, touching, sad, inspiring, filled with self-compassion. “I would tell myself not to be so afraid,” a lot of them said. I loved this question, and while I was considering stealing it, I tried it out various friends. They all said, “Yeah, great question.” Full stop. Blank stares. Vigorous prodding would elicit a short response, but it was clearly not opening up the kind of floodgates that would make them follow me out to my car to share more. Last week, while having dinner with my sister and her family, I went around the table asking each person what they had been doing when they were 24, the age Forsthoefel was during the latter part of the project. Each time, their face would soften and a nostalgic gleam would warm their eyes— even the 27-year-old, who wasn’t looking back all that far. And they’d speak with fond amusement about early jobs, young loves, dumb mistakes… A treasure trove of revelations that mattered. I figured I might be on to something. A few days later, I ran across a book called 4,000 Questions for Getting to Know Anyone and Everyone. Expecting the usual “What’s your favorite ice cream?” and “Where do you want to be five years from now?” I was pleasantly surprised by the breadth and depth of queries such as “What do you really wish your parents would have told you when you were still a kid?” and “Are any illegal acts justified under certain circumstances?” My favorite was “If you could ask God one question, what would it be?” I know what mine would be: What’s the best question to ask people on the upcoming train journey? Since I haven’t (so far as I am aware) received any specific direction from the Almighty in this matter, let me put the question to you: What question do YOU think I should ask the people I meet on our train journey? And by the way, what were you doing when you were 24? Just asking.
13 Comments
Lindsey
6/19/2013 01:11:20 am
Oh, I just love traveling by train! Have a wonderful journey, Karen. Look forward to reading about your experiences. If you're not all ready familiar, there's a great European Train website called loco2.com.
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Karen McCann
6/21/2013 09:24:42 am
What an amazing when-I-was-24 story! Sounds like you had a grand adventure and then some. Thanks for sharing that, and for passing on loco2.com; I'm sending it on to Rich, who is the train researcher in our little team.
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6/19/2013 01:46:05 am
So looking forward to hearing about your trip. You, Rich and I will have to get a glass of wine when you're back so you can recount everything! Buen viaje friends.
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Karen McCann
6/21/2013 09:25:45 am
Gracias, Cat! We'll definitely have to compare notes over a vino or two. Looking forward to hearing all about your summer adventures!
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Lynnette McCurdy
6/19/2013 06:31:03 am
Hmmm, I would tell you what I was doing at the age of 24 but then I'd have to kill you....
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Karen McCann
6/21/2013 09:28:59 am
LOVE this question, Lynnette! Bet the answer would lead to some stimulating conversation. Of course, then my interview subject would have to kill me, which might seriously limit my ability to blog about it afterwards... Hmm, this will require careful thought...
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6/19/2013 09:00:07 am
Sounds like an interesting journey - can't wait to hear about it!
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Karen McCann
6/21/2013 09:36:37 am
I like "Why are you making this journey?" Another way of putting it would be "How do you hope to be changed by this journey?" Travel is all about feeling differently than in your daily life. Your comment about being the opposite of your 24-year-old self is so interesting; 24, the early part of our "grown-up" lives, provides the springboard for launching ourselves into adulthood... and where we land is the interesting part of the story. Always a surprise to see how it turns out.
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Polly Burns
6/20/2013 11:09:47 am
I'd ask: "How did you come to be living where you are now." When I was 24 I started a course to qualify as a psychiatric nurse at St James's Hospital in Leeds, UK. (World famous, I think, Jimmy's hospital). Before that I'd been working in Whitby (home of Dracula).
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Karen McCann
6/21/2013 09:44:04 am
A good question indeed, Polly. "How did you come to be living where you are now?" is specific enough that people would be comfortable giving a direct and literal answer, yet it would open up so many avenues for telling a life story. And look at your 24-year-old self, leaving Dracula's home to study to be a psychiatric nurse; that's a tale that would be interesting to hear. I think the age of 24 is about when we really learn how to have adventures and make our moves in the world. I'm glad I'm not that age any more, but it's sure fun to talk about!
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6/21/2013 04:27:00 pm
Train journey sounds lovely! Just returned to the SF Bay after 2 years in Spain and all of a sudden the travel spirit has returned!(I wasn't feeling it a few months ago).
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Karen McCann
6/24/2013 07:13:44 pm
I love your question, Lauren! What would you do if you knew you could not fail... I will be pondering this one for a while. As to your adventures at 24 - fantastic. There is something about that age that invites us to dream impossible things and do them. Tanzania to Cape Town. Wow. I hope I get to hear more about that story some day.
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6/25/2013 06:40:16 pm
At 24, I was crazy in love with this guy from another country and considering moving here—for the foreseeable future! And look at me now: here, established, putting down roots!
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I'm an American travel writer based in Spain and currently living in California. As we journey through the pandemic together, my blog provides a regular supply of survival tips, comfort food recipes, and the wry humor we all need to lighten our hearts on dark days. I think of my blog as an ongoing conversation, so please join in and leave comments at the end of my posts. Sign up below to get updates when I publish anything new. BLOG ARCHIVES
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