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Oops! Maybe I shouldn't have posted that! 

3/19/2013

10 Comments

 
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The Wisconsin parents. Photo courtesy of Reddit / IMUGR / Facebook
As a teenager, I could not have imagined many fates more excruciating than having my mom and dad post embarrassing pictures of themselves where my friends could see them. Apparently this has occurred to some of today’s harassed parents, who have resorted to using Facebook as a form of punishment. In one now-famous incident, when a Wisconsin teen “got fresh,” her parents decided confiscating her cell phone wasn’t enough and decided to post a bunch of goofy photos of themselves on her Facebook page. Her brother, who sided with the parents on this one, released the story and one of the parental photos to the world. Articles instantly appeared on the Huffington Post and everywhere else on the planet.  Public response ranged from “Way to go, parents!” to “Publicly shaming your child? Shame on you!” 

“By giving people the power to share,” Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg once remarked, “we’re making the world more transparent.” Yes, but just how much transparency do we really want? How would those Wisconsin parents feel if their daughter posted embarrassing photos of herself on Mom’s company website or Dad’s Rotary Club Facebook page?
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Photo courtesy of Lyndi&Jason
To me, the whole transparency issue is kind of like nude beaches. When I was a college student – about the age Mark Zuckerberg was when he revolutionized social media ­– I once went to a nude beach, feeling terribly daring and wildly cool, and wondering why everyone didn’t want to join in the fun. Three decades later I found myself in Marbella, on the southern shore of Spain, where I was gobsmacked to discover a sea of 70-year-old tourists – men and women – sunbathing in nothing but skimpy thongs. I admired their courage, if not their leathery skin. But – and this is my point – I was very glad that I had the freedom to choose how much of myself I was going to reveal to the world.

Same goes for social media. I love the endless, crazy, eclectic, rambunctious, billion-voiced conversation that goes on every day. But I am often flabbergasted by the things people choose to post: lurid details of their divorce, rants about people none of the rest of us know, photos I wouldn’t even share with my sisters let alone the blogosphere, character assassinations in 140-character spurts aka trial by Twitter. In the early days of Facebook, I felt a certain cozy security that only my family and close friends could see what I posted, but with the ever-changing privacy rules, I’d be surprised if even Mark Zuckerberg always knows who’s allowed to see what and pass it on to whom. So I now adhere to one simple rule: never post anything on the Internet you wouldn’t want to see on the front page of the New York Times.

And that goes double when I’m talking about my husband. Rich is a tremendous good sport, but there are limits, and I would never want to embarrass him by doing anything to compromise his privacy or his dignity. 
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10 Comments
Nancy Todd link
3/20/2013 12:34:50 am

Couldn't agree more. I really don't want to see someones gorry incisions from their two day old surgery. I am very sorry someones pet died, but I don't want to be a party to endless posts about it with pics of shovel and hole. Well done Karen!

Reply
Karen McCann
3/21/2013 03:13:53 am

Thanks, Nancy. I don't mind a bit when people post lurid gossip, but I agree it's best to keep gory and depressing stuff – especially photos! – to a minimum!

Reply
Elle link
3/20/2013 01:16:15 am

Great article as always, Karen. However, it should also be noted that some people are simply more open with the world about their feelings than others. For example... I have ranted very openly recently about things that make me angry (xenophobic expats to name just one subject). Would I care if that was printed on the front page of the New York Times? Hell no - I'd applaud it.
Do I post things I would wish were kept private? No... just as I don't post those dire poems about friends being angels without wings, or strength through adversity. Many people find those useful; everyone is different... and yearns for different things from the web.
The internet has given a voice to anyone with an internet connection. As with any kind of signal - there will always be white noise (remember CB radio? Started off great but before long all you could hear was kids screaming). The internet started off as a clean tool, but soon was filled with - woe upon woes - real human beings, and all the variety that goes along with them. The same goes for radio, television, and reading material. We all seek different things from it - what's the point of everyone being the same eh? Our choice as users is to decide whether we want to be bothered with it - or simply change the channel.
Elle xx

Reply
Karen McCann
3/21/2013 03:21:04 am

So true, Elle. The great thing about the Internet is its enormous, mad diversity. I get a huge kick out of much of what I see there and simply skip over the bits that don't interest me. It's like art; I'm drawn to some works and not others, but I celebrate the fact that it's big enough to encompass the edgy and out there stuff along with the subtle and elegant, breathtakingly beautiful and everything else.

Reply
Maria S. link
3/20/2013 04:47:21 am

Enjoyed reading this and had a good laugh at the end!

I find the younger generation much more open on the net than I would have at their age (a long long time ago).

Sometimes I find rants quite entertaining, other times unnerving, just like in real life.

I remember being apprehensive about my very first post on Facebook, because I had no guide line how to be cool, informative, witty, etc. Then I read somewhere:

"Don't write anything you would not want your mom to read."

This helped me in the early days ;-)

Reply
Karen McCann
3/21/2013 03:23:51 am

I think younger people are much more open on the Internet, but sometimes it comes back to haunt them. A young friend of mine recently changed his Facebook name in hopes that potential employers wouldn't see certain pictures taken on spring break. Definitely not the kind of photos he'd want his mom to see!

Reply
Polly Burns link
3/20/2013 05:04:47 am

This made me think of a book by Julie Myerson called The Lost Child which she wrote when her son went off the rails a bit. I haven't read the book but from what I understand he wasn't best pleased that his mum, an established author, published for the world to read, all their family troubles. Maybe a book won't go viral like the internet, but it's still out there for anyone at all to read. I don't think I'd be happy either. I seem to remember a bit of debate in the newspapers about the rights and wrongs of it.

Reply
Karen McCann
3/21/2013 03:34:13 am

I'm often gobsmacked by what people write about their families, especially in tell-all memoirs. I would think it would make Thanksgiving dinner and other family gatherings a bit fraught! Whatever your legal and moral "rights" are, having your relatives stop speaking to you would be a high price to pay. Just one of the many reasons I won't be writing a tell-all book in the foreseeable future.

Reply
Susanna Perkins link
3/20/2013 12:17:04 pm

Exactly! Just this week several young thugs were found guilty of rape, in no little part because the event was publicized on social media. My policy is, if I don't want to answer questions about it in court (or even worse, in the court of public opinion!) don't post it. . .

PS - love the dignity of the last picture :-)

Reply
Karen McCann
3/21/2013 03:35:51 am

Yes, that's one of my favorite pictures of Rich. Of course, I cleared it with him before posting, as I always do. I'm SO lucky he doesn't take himself too seriously!

Reply



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