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Ready to Leap from Solitude to Socializing?

3/31/2021

9 Comments

 
Coming out of Quarantine / Karen McCann / EnjoyLivingAbroad.com
This is not an actual photo of what my sister's kids could do to a room when they were little, but it kind of captures the spirit. Photo by Cultura RM Exclusive/Henglein and Steets / Getty Images

“I read somewhere that your house is a reflection of your soul,” my sister Kate once told me when her sons were little. She looked around at the chaos, rolled her eyes, then laughed. “God, I hope that’s not true.” I could see what she meant; it’s natural to believe our inner lives should be orderly and tranquil, with less clutter and fewer scars. But I thought there was a lot to be said for a spiritual path crowded with books and toys and casually scattered jackets, ringing with the laughter of young boys chasing each other up the stairs. There seemed to me to be plenty of zen in the midst of all that zing.

Whether we view them as our souls made visible or simply an expression of our tastes and times, our homes have plenty to say about us. Right now I’m trying to make sure mine isn’t shouting, “A couple of crazies spent too much time here in isolation!” My second inoculation takes complete effect this week, changing the number of people I can safely socialize with from one (Rich) to 52 million fully vaccinated Americans and hundreds of millions worldwide. My head is spinning at the thought that soon family and friends will be arriving to celebrate this first step towards a post-pandemic life. Is my house ready? Am I?

Don't Panic Towel / Coming out of Quarantine / Karen McCann / EnjoyLivingAbroad.com
An important message for our times

​Some changes are already in the works, like removing the jigsaw puzzle from the dining room table. But what about our decontamination zone? Should all our masks and hand sanitizers be discreetly whisked out of sight — or offered to guests? Do I leave the “Don’t Panic!” towel draped over the railing at the top of the stairs? Rich and I find it amusing, and frankly, a bracing reminder on darker days, but will it strike our pals as peculiar? And what about the TV area, where we’ve dragged our chairs into positions that are no longer symmetrical but offer better angles for viewing the screen? Should we shove everything back into apple pie order? Or do we let people see how we really live?
 
And then there are the DIY projects. Do we bore our visitors with a tour? I’m aware that A) gutters are just gutters, even if Rich did put them up himself, and B) after the first glass of wine, we probably don’t want guests climbing a ladder to inspect the solar panels he installed on the shed roof to power our Bad Boy generator. Will guests feel the Apocalypse Chow Food Locker signals runaway paranoia? Do we even show them our succulent garden, which to be honest, looks like a collection of alien life forms just waiting until we fall asleep to take over our bodies and finish conquering the planet?


Clearly the road from solitude to socializing is going to have its bumps and potholes. Whether you're facing this transition now or later in the year, and no matter how long you wished and waited for it, somehow it's still shocking. It makes you realize just how much the pandemic changed our relationship to the place we call "home" and our comfort level with fellow humans.
 
“We’re all like feral weirdos now,” comments Kate Wagner, the New Republic’s architecture critic, who says of the past year, “It reminds me of when I was in high school. I didn’t have anything in common with my peers. I would go to school, not talk to anyone and come home and read or write terrible science fiction. I lived a totally interior life. Now I’ve reverted. It’s been so productive. What if this is just better for me, to live a life of isolation?”

Kate Wagner on Isolation / Coming out of Quarantine / Karen McCann / EnjoyLivingAbroad.com
Kate Wagner is the architecture critic for The New Republic and creator of the McMansion Hell blog, which chronicles housing excesses. Photo courtesy of Kate Wagner

​“In our home, we have a ritual of expressing gratitude every day, in prayer or other ways, to little things,” says sociologist Matthew Desmond, who before the pandemic lived in a mobile home park to chronicle the violence of eviction — a subject that became acutely relevant when the pandemic put 40 million people at risk of losing their homes. “We have windows that keep the cold out. Everyone has their own bed. Our kids have separate rooms. Light. When the plumbing stops working, we can get it fixed. Our mail comes; there is hot water. When I lived in the mobile home park, I met families that didn’t have heat. They would crouch around a space heater and cover themselves with a blanket to get warm. Families are really at risk. So many of us are so tired of looking at the same walls, but there is a chunk of Americans that’s just praying they get to hang onto those walls.”
 
Which brings up an interesting question of how much of our contentment is dependent upon the comparisons we make — between ourselves and others, and between current reality and our romanticized images of the past and future.
 
Economist Nat Ware proposed a thought experiment about this in his TED Talk Why We’re Unhappy — the Expectation Gap. “Imagine that you’re competing in the Olympic Games.… Would you prefer to come second [or] third?” Naturally most of the audience chose second place. He then showed photos of disgruntled silver medalists and radiant winners brandishing the bronze. “It’s expectations that explain why a bronze medalist can be happier than a silver medalist. Because the silver medalist imagines coming first, the bronze medalist imagines coming fourth… At a very basic simple level, we’re unhappy when our expectations of reality exceed our experiences of reality.”


​The inevitable comparisons we make between the way we live now and what we once expected of 2020/2021 are as frustrating as measuring ourselves against the gold medalists. Whenever I’m tempted to go down that road, I remember visiting this basement hideout where some hardy souls rode out long stretches of the siege of Sarajevo (April 1992 to February 1996) with only that little stove for heat and no Internet or TV.

Tired of your quarantine conditions? Consider this!  / Coming out of Quarantine / Karen McCann / EnjoyLivingAbroad.com

I'll bet your home is looking a little better right now, isn't it? I know mine is.
 
Like every other aspect of the pandemic, being isolated in our homes has tested our stamina and ingenuity. One upside of restricted socializing has been the freedom to reconfigure our spaces without worrying what others might think. It seems lots of us are pulling stuff out of our storage cupboards, digging out paint cans, and finding ways to make our spaces more colorful, more cozy — more us.
​

​I certainly can’t claim to have done anything close to those spectacular DIY projects. (Did I mention Rich installed new gutters?) But their creativity is heartening, and possibly a reflection of our times. As Orson Wells’ character said in The Third Man, “In Italy, for thirty years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love, they had five hundred years of democracy and peace — and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock.” 
 
We don’t get to choose the era we live in, but we do decide what to make of it. Living in chaotic times has upended everything, including our dwellings and who we invite into them. But if Kate’s quote is true, it may have also brought depth and breadth and vigor to our souls. And isn’t nurturing our souls what life is all about?

Happiness Course / Coming out of Quarantine / Karen McCann / EnjoyLivingAbroad.com
Here's Rich's secret for getting through pandemic rough spots.

​How's your home weathering the pandemic? Have you done any DIY projects or made any other changes to it? Let me know in the comments below.


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9 Comments
Faye
3/31/2021 06:58:22 pm

I like the comparison photos, Karen. Had never thought about it.
So many of us are greedy, have high expectations, feel entitled, and have the “it’s never enough” syndrome.

Since we social distanced with our glass of red on neighbors driveway on the cul-de-sac, I can’t relate to having changed inside of my home. In fact, last summer I had two of my neighbors over for gumbo during one of the hurricanes...keeping 6 feet apart of course. And had a great time by candle light and parents kerosine lamp, sipping our red, eating gumbo and running to the windows to see how much damage the wind was doing to the trees.

After 4 days of deep freeze this winter (uncommon for LA.) I am now busy trying to revive plants that froze and planting new ones in my back yard...the home of my soul, for sure.

I am definitely not ready for millions, as on a train, plane, etc, still wearing mask & will do so until deemed safe...don’t find that hard to do!

Reply
Karen K McCann
4/1/2021 01:34:06 am

I was really struck by the Expectation Gap concept too, Faye. If you get a chance, watch his YouTube video, where he gives other great examples — for instance about what we anticipate when we travel. Very wise and thought-provoking. Here's the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KiUq8i9pbE&t=3s

Sounds like you're easing into socializing carefully, which makes so much sense. Wearing masks is just basic common sense and common courtesy until this virus is truly under control. Enjoy reviving your garden!

Reply
Kitty
3/31/2021 08:19:15 pm

I live with Harvey so our house is mostly unruly and chaotic. We are lucky it is a big box with lots of levels and places to store junk.

We took our first trip to the Channel Islands which is quite remote. Then we went onto LA to see our son and niece who live there along with another niece and her family from Portland. Lots of delicious outdoor eating there. We took the friends who helped us get our vaccines out to dinner. We are starting to move forward carefully not leap. I have stopped wearing my ski goggles except when using them as rose sunglasses to hike.

I love the photos with the writing in this episode.

Reply
Karen McCann
4/1/2021 02:54:51 am

So glad you liked the mix of photos and commentary in this post, Kitty. And it's good to hear you're moving forward carefully rather than leaping. This transition time is tricky to navigate, and if we've learned anything over this past year it's that when we are dealing with this nasty virus, it's wise to be extra cautious. Good luck to you and Harvey, and congratulations on getting the vaccine.

Reply
Alicia Bay Laurel link
3/31/2021 08:24:37 pm

Joe and I are both eager to see our far away beloved friends and family members, yet reluctant to lose the precious time we've had in the past year to work on previously procrastinated projects.

I've got plenty to show for my desk time, but it's all in my computer. The house is a freaking mess. We hired a roof repairman when the roof began leaking during the rainy season. We got some plumbing work done, too. Other than that, no one else has been inside our house. We talk with our neighbors from a distance, with masks on, which now seems natural. More often, we talk with them on WhatsApp, even if they are only a few houses away.

Not sure when vaccinations will become available in this part of Panamá. There's an online sign-up, but we haven't heard from anyone yet.



Reply
Karen McCann
4/1/2021 03:08:16 am

As creative types, Alicia, you and Joe and I appreciate the precious solitude to devote time to our work. (Which is always more interesting that getting home repairs done!) As we begin to move into a larger world, I hope we can hold onto some of that sense of spaciousness and inspiration. Good luck with your vaccinations. I don't know how it will be in Panama, but here in California it was an insane scramble at first, and even when you were in the right category to get the shots, you had to be very proactive to seek out a vaccination site and book an appointment. Now it's easy and well organized. Here's hoping all goes smoothly for you and Joe when the time comes.

Reply
Alicia Bay Laurel link
4/1/2021 10:09:05 am

Many thanks for the good wishes and good advice, Karen!

Nothing is easy and well-organized in Panama, except maybe the wonderful woman-run taxi company that has done our shopping for us over the past year. May they be blessed forever for saving us two geezers from maskless sneezers.

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