I think we can all agree, as this year staggers to a close, that we have plenty to be thankful for. Admittedly, as measurements of success, many of this year’s benchmarks of achievement are underwhelming. It’s like we’re all pilots joking about a good landing being any one you can walk away from — and a great landing being one where you can use the aircraft again. Here’s something I’m grateful for: Scientists are digging around in Russia’s permafrost, unearthing “zombie viruses” that have lain dormant for tens of thousands of years. Wait, no, that’s not the part I’m happy about. Somewhere around paragraph five of the Washington Post article, just as I was starting seriously to hyperventilate, the author casually mentioned the pathogens they found only infect amoebas. See? There’s a silver lining right there! Not for the amoebas, obviously, but it’s looking a bit better for us humans. Now let me ask you this: Do you feel like you never have enough time, almost as if the days were getting shorter? You’re absolutely right — they are! And my hat’s off to you for noticing the difference in the Earth’s speed, which occasionally results in a single, random June day that’s around 1.5 milliseconds shorter. It has something to do with slight irregularities of movement at the earth’s poles, technically known as the “Chandler wobble.” To put it in layperson’s terms, the north and south poles occasionally do this: The phenomenon was discovered by astronomer Seth Carlo Chandler in 1891, and his colleagues today insist they’re pretty sure we have almost no reason to think these random slowdowns will cause the planet to spin off its axis any time soon, if our luck holds. So there’s something else to put in the plus column! And then, I’m genuinely pleased about the surprising announcement from Merriam-Webster that their word of the year is “gaslighting.” I'm horrified that it's happening, but hey, at least people are noticing. The term comes from the title of an intense psychological thriller, set in 1875, in which an evil husband attempts to drive his wife insane by constantly manipulating her perception of reality — including dimming the gas lights in their house and telling her it’s just her imagination. Merriam-Webster’s dictionary explains this kind of abusive behavior “causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of one’s emotional or mental stability, and a dependency on the perpetrator.” Ever feel like that’s happening to you? I’m sure just your imagination. The online look-up rate for “gaslighting,” which had been rising steadily for four years, jumped a startling 1740% in 2022. Oddly, it wasn’t sparked by any single event (as most words of the year are) but by a serious, long-term, widespread social concern about the way we are all being manipulated these days. “Gaslighting is a heinous tool frequently used by abusers in relationships — and by politicians and other newsmakers,” explained an AP article in the flurry of reaction over Merriam-Webster’s announcement. “It can happen between romantic partners, within a broader family unit and among friends. It can be a corporate tactic, or a way to mislead the public. There’s also ‘medical gaslighting,’ when a health care professional dismisses a patient’s symptoms or illness as ‘all in your head.’” Why is it good news that we're talking about gaslighting? “As a person who writes about honesty and deception, I felt a spark of hope Monday when I found out that Merriam-Webster had made ‘gaslighting’ the official word of the year for 2022,” said Judi Ketteler, author of Would I Lie to You? “Maybe, just maybe, people are finally ready to engage with dishonesty and how it operates in their lives.” Research suggests the average American tells eleven lies a week; obviously some are already way over their quota halfway through a typical Monday. How does all this lying affect us? A pair of psych professors at the University of Notre Dame decided to set up a “Science of Honesty” study to find out. Over a ten-week period, half the participants were instructed to make a conscious effort to stop telling major and minor lies. Both groups came in weekly to report on their physical and mental health, and, yes, take a lie detector test. “We found that the participants could purposefully and dramatically reduce their everyday lies, and that in turn was associated with significantly improved health,” said study leader Anita Kelly. She explained participants who cut down on falsehoods, including little white lies, enjoyed better mental health — feeling less tense or melancholy, for instance — and better physical health, reporting fewer issues such as sore throats and headaches. Why are lies so bad for us? Turns out telling whoppers increases our stress level, which is tough on our psyches and bodies. "Research has linked telling lies to an increased risk of cancer, increased risk of obesity, anxiety, depression, addiction, gambling, poor work satisfaction, and poor relationships,” says psych professor Deirdre Lee Fitzgerald. On the other hand, an excess of brutal honesty isn’t always healthy either. Telling your new lover that your ex was better at sex is not going to improve your relationship. In fact, it usually winds up with your lover saying to the judge, “And that’s when I shot him, Your Honor,” while the jury nods sympathetically. “Honesty is the best policy, right? I say no,no, no, no. And let’s add on one more no, just for good measure,” began an article in Mental Health @ Home. The author suggested that being straightforward about objective facts — yes, you do have spinach in your teeth — is great, even if it can be a little uncomfortable at times. “Then you’ve got opinions, which are inherently subjective. They don’t have any objective, literal truth to them; they’re just chitter-chatter inside our heads... There’s no need to inflict that on the world without a good reason.” Objective fact vs. subjective rant; that’s an excellent litmus test to apply before blurting out our innermost thoughts. We can ask ourselves, “Is what I’m about to say true? Is it kind and helpful? Is it likely to get me killed?” Yes, in the end, it all comes down to survival. How can we boost our chances of making this another year we can walk away from — or, if possible, dance our way through? Back in March, doing research in connection with Rich’s new obsession — sorry, I mean hobby — of birdwatching, I stumbled on this video of an American Woodcock (whose aliases include timberdoodle, bogsucker, and hokumpoke). I couldn’t resist posting it again here while talking about survival. Why did Nature endow these birds with the gift of dancing like John Travolta? What's the evolutionary advantage? Maybe it's to remind us that we'll all live longer if we stop occasionally and celebrate staying alive. That's my post for this week, folks! Thanks for joining me on the journey. A reminder that there's just one more day of discounts on The Great Mediterranean Comfort Food Tour in Kindle and paperback. Cost goes up Wednesday!
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While the Chandler-Wobble isn't bothering me, it's that time of the year when daylight disappears. 3 less minutes every day for the last week. Winter solstice is just around the corner thank goodness!
Karen McCann
12/5/2022 07:56:45 pm
I so agree, Heather; losing the light can be a bit demoralizing. In the film it was one of the many things that freaked out Ingrid Bergman when her husband was trying to convince her she was insane. It's not too hard to find the film; Amazon has it, although they do charge $3 to rent it. It's a real classic; hope you enjoy it. 12/5/2022 05:22:10 pm
Good read for a Monday morning. This week, I will try and tell less lies, recognize gaslighting and maybe shuffle around a little bit like the Timberdoodle. Thanks Karen.
Karen McCann
12/5/2022 07:57:30 pm
Steve, I am enjoying the mental picture of you doing the Timberdoodle shuffle. I think it could catch on among humans! 12/5/2022 06:05:06 pm
Great article and the ending has set me up for a lovely evening. Not as good looking as John Travolta but that woodcock is a great mover.
Karen McCann
12/5/2022 07:58:29 pm
Anyone who doesn't think God has a sense of humor should watch the woodcock dance. What moves! What style! It's a small miracle.
Kathy Park
12/5/2022 06:29:55 pm
Despite breaking my tibia 3 months ago, we take off for our first adventure January 3. I'm back walking and in PT. We will be 5 months on the road and will be in Seville April 21 for 2 weeks. That tapas bar looks so cool. Is it one of your regular places?
Karen McCann
12/5/2022 08:02:44 pm
Sorry to hear about your broken tibia, Kathy, and glad to know it's not holding you back from having such an extensive road trip. April is the perfect time to visit Seville, and you'll be here during the Feria de Abril, which is really a spectacle and tremendous fun. As for the tapas bar in the photo, that isn't actually a big hangout of mine. If you want to know my faves, here's a list I posted for family and friends coming to town: https://www.enjoylivingabroad.com/sevilles-tapas-bars.html
Nancy Solak
12/5/2022 08:16:28 pm
Now I know what to call what I'm doing when I cook to music: I'm timberdoodling about the kitchen. It tricks my husband into thinking I'm already insane and saves him from having to gaslight me.
Karen K McCann
12/7/2022 09:59:21 am
I laughed out loud when I read your comment, Nancy. Beautifully expressed, and I think I am doing the same. By now I've successfully convinced Rich that I'm loopy, so I'll never suffer Ingrid Bergman's fate. Thanks for this comforting thought! 3/19/2024 08:39:17 am
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Tobey Hiller
12/5/2022 11:01:28 pm
As always, a real lift. And irresistible, that timberdoodle hokumpoking right over to the other side of the road.
Karen K McCann
12/7/2022 10:02:17 am
Yes, you just have to love God's whimsical sense of humor in creating the hokumpoke dance, Tobey. Do you think there's some evolutionary advantage? Maybe looking so peculiar scares off predators or something? I will definitely be trying to learn how to do this dance!
Faye
12/6/2022 05:08:27 pm
Woodcock video is just perfect for this post, Karen! Woodcock’s dance says to me “yes I trust…no I don’t” , Finally I can truly say, people are just not always honest and lie for whatever reason or gain? Sadly I find myself not trusting others especially in certain types of relationships, interactions, and situations. I try to take everything with a grain of salt and only go with what resonates within me. Simply put, I’ve had to wake up. Truly crazy-making at times.
Karen K McCann
12/7/2022 10:14:06 am
For me, Faye, it all comes down to human nature. We are a very imperfect species, and as if any more evidence of that fact was needed, there's the amount of lying people do, often for no real reason. It can crazy-making, encouraging us to be cynical and suspicious at times. It makes it more challenging to hold on to our compassion and kindness, just when they're needed most. All we can do is listen, trust our instincts, test the facts, and avoid anybody who seems to be gaslighting us. Good luck, my friend. It's a truly nutty world out there!
Elizabeth
12/24/2022 05:34:39 am
Thanks for the LOL!! I sure needed that! 12/14/2023 08:09:39 am
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