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Bizarre & Inexplicable: The World of Karen

5/27/2020

34 Comments

 
“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”
— Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

​
Douglas Adams / Re-entry & Re-opening / Bizarre & Inexplicable: The World of Karen / Karen McCann / EnjoyLivingAbroad.comAuthor Douglas Adams, photo by Brian Griffin, 1986, National Portrait Gallery




​I don’t need to tell you that our world has become as bizarre and inexplicable as anything in the loonier fringes of science fiction. Having just returned to my native California after a very long absence, I feel as if I’ve passed through a time warp to arrive on another planet in a galaxy far, far away, possibly in a parallel universe.
 
Everything's different now, including my name, which is currently being dragged through the mud. I’ve been called Karen since 1951 and always considered it a serviceable moniker, if not particularly romantic or inspiring. Karen is a Danish form of Katherine that’s said to mean “chaste or pure.” (Possibly my parents were trying to send me a message; if so, it didn’t take.) Yesterday I learned that in American pop culture “Karen” has now become synonymous with pushy, sanctimonious, anti-vaccine, down-with-science, quarantine-is-communism, let-me-speak-to-the-manager middle-aged women — like the Tennessee gal photographed holding a sign reading “Sacrifice the weak, reopen TN .” When Las Vegas mayor Carolyn Goodman proposed reopening the city’s casinos early as a “control group” to measure infection rates, she was called “an idiot,” “an actual monster,” and worst of all, “a Karen’s Karen.”
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Crazy Las Vegas Mayor / Re-entry & Re-opening / Bizarre & Inexplicable: The World of Karen / Karen McCann / EnjoyLivingAbroad.com
Las Vegas Mayor Carolyn Goodman suggested opening all casinos, then shutting down only those with the very highest infection rates. "That makes no sense," said an aghast Anderson Cooper.
 
Yikes! Obviously I'll have to change my name to something less cringeworthy. What’s trending now in California? For females, it's often nature themes such as Luna, Meadow, and Elm; pop culture faves like Khaleesi, Lennon, and Paisley; hippy classics including Freedom, Nirvana, and Karma; and such non-binary names as River, Bear, and Noor (which means “light”). Do any of those sound like me? I don’t think so either.
 
But these days it isn't easy to define myself, let alone the cultural norms I'm supposed to live by. I miss the simplicity of Spain, which has a single national policy based on medical science. Lawmakers brawl over the details behind closed doors, but eventually they hammer out a plan and speak with a single voice, applying the rules uniformly throughout the country, with clear consequences (substantial fines, even jail time) for those who flout the law. You may not agree with every detail of the plan, but you always know where you stand in Spain. Here in America, it’s like trying find your equilibrium on a Tilt-a-Whirl fairground ride.
 
For instance, the CDC tells everyone returning from abroad to quarantine at home for two weeks, avoiding shared workspaces, classrooms, and public transportation. So far so good. But does that mean I can or cannot go out for walks? Is it OK to put on protective gear and shop for food? When friends drop by, should I ask them to leave? I can’t find a word online about any of this, and believe me, I’ve looked.

CDC Skimpy Advice / Re-entry & Re-opening / Bizarre & Inexplicable: The World of Karen / Karen McCann / EnjoyLivingAbroad.com
This is what the CDC handed me at the airport. If I'm supposed to "Stay home," on what occasion will I need to "Wear a cloth face covering when in public"? Anyone have a clue?

The only thing the CDC made abundantly clear is that I'm supposed to make notes twice daily on the form they gave me at the airport, recording any symptoms (cough, shortness of breath) and my temperature. Fun fact: even our body temperature has a new normal. The old standard of 98.6, established in 1851, has been recalibrated to a range of 97.5 to 97.9. Unfortunately, my readings kept falling short of those benchmarks, hovering around  95.5, then 94.3 and finally plunging to 93 degrees. I began to worry I’d contracted a sort of reverse COVID-19 (91-DIVOC?). Eventually, I realized the thermometer was broken. Whew! I tossed out the useless thing and had Amazon deliver a new one the next day.
 
And this brings me to one of the other gee-whiz-this-really-is-the-future aspects of my life in California: insanely fast online ordering. Yes, Seville has grocery delivery and Amazon.es, but I rarely use them. Even during the lockdown, Rich and I found it quicker and easier to don protective gear and walk to the market one block over. Now, in perpetual confusion over American self-quarantine protocols, I’m playing it safe for everyone’s sake, staying home and ordering online from the market five blocks away. It’s astonishing. Almost before I hit “send,” I start getting texts:  Shopping for you now … Out of that brand of honey, how about this one? ... Our driver is on their way … Minutes later the stuff’s at my back door. I couldn’t get groceries that fast if I sent Rich sprinting out to buy them.

Whole Wheat Flour at Last! / Re-entry & Re-opening / Bizarre & Inexplicable: The World of Karen / Karen McCann / EnjoyLivingAbroad.com
I've even managed to purchase whole wheat flour, which has been unavailable for months in Seville (and much of the US, from what I hear).

​Being homebound, I can’t really comment on how the re-opening is going here, beyond noting that my region’s numbers are very low and state officials are proceeding cautiously and systematically, following the recommendations of qualified health professionals. (I know; what a concept!)

​Mostly the priorities make sense; markets, pharmacies, gas stations, drive-in movies, dog groomers. But I was shocked to learn that, inexplicably, beauty parlors are not yet on the list of essential services. In Seville, barber shops and hair salons opened two weeks ago, but in the flurry of activity surrounding our departure, I decided to wait until I was back in the US. Boy, am I regretting that decision. Yesterday I persuaded Rich to trim the seriously shaggy mess at the base of my neck. He did well in this test area and may get the rest of the job soon. True, there aren’t a lot of other candidates right now. Although some of those dog groomers might be able to pep up my style.


​Looking well-groomed, or at least not hideously unkempt, is my way of prepping for that glorious day when I come out of quarantine and go back into the world, possibly under a new name. Rainbow McCann? Dharma McCann? Nope and nope. I’ve also crossed Harmoni and Wynter off the list, because after a lifetime of proofreading, I couldn't abide going around with a name that looks like a typo.

“Our names,” said essayist Logan Pearsall Smith, ”are labels printed plainly on the bottled essence of our past.” He’s right. “Karen” is writ large on the story of my life. Why should I give it up, just because it’s been temporarily appropriated as shorthand for a particularly appalling category of crackpot? Confucius says, “The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their proper name.” So hey, everybody, call me Karen.


Are you in a place that's relaxing quarantine and re-opening? How's it going? What are you noticing as you venture out into the world? Let me know in the comments below.

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SO WHAT HAPPENS NEXT? WHO KNOWS?
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34 Comments
bradley balles
5/28/2020 04:23:30 pm

that was your best effort of all time....note get out among-st them just stay 6 feet apart....take your walk, go to the market, go down by the water. do garden work hv a ball

Reply
Karen McCann
5/29/2020 01:59:08 am

Thanks for the encouragement, Bradley! We're taking walks early every morning, keeping our distance. Once quarantine is lifted we'll be going to the market and to the nursery for plants; Rich is delighted to be back in his garden.

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Sandra
5/28/2020 04:33:19 pm

What about changing Karen to Carey temporarily, until the Karen's wildly negative connotations persist?
Carey is close to Karen, however, I don't know about Carey's connotation..
Rich did a good job cutting your hair, I'm impressed!

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Karen McCann
5/29/2020 02:01:58 am

Carey is a good alternative. It's an Irish name meaning "from the fort" — a good, strong, unisex name. I was thinking about going with Bear, but this could be even better. Thanks, Sandra!

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Polly
5/28/2020 04:47:28 pm

Here in the UK, I identify more with your experience in the US than I do with what you describe of Spain. It is hard to know what you can and can't do, so we're playing it safe and staying home. Other braver souls than me are visiting beaches and parks but that seems very stressful in terms of everyone doing what they can to give everyone else the required space. It doesn't always happen.A friend and I talked yesterday about developing FOGO. We're lucky to have plenty of space and a reasonable sized garden. I cannot imagine what it must have been like in a flat. I have another friend called Karen, also lamenting the misappropriation of her name. Stay safe.

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Karen McCann
5/29/2020 02:08:21 am

Polly, thanks for introducing me to the term FOGO, which I assume means fear of going out. In Spanish the term is sindrome de cabaña, cabin syndrome, which means the same thing, a new version of agoraphobia. When I was in full quarantine I felt totally relaxed and safe; now I can't tell when to worry and what the rules are. So like you, I am being very cautious and will keep on doing so even when I'm out of the official 14-day quarantine. Better safe than sorry!

Reply
Joan Fallon link
5/28/2020 04:57:59 pm

Hi, I know just how you feel. When I was in school, we were reading Shakespeare and there was a line "While greasy Joan doth keel the pot." I was mortified and wanted to change my name, but my mother wouldn't let me.
Enjoy being back in the US but come back to Spain soon.

Keep safe
Joan

Reply
Karen McCann
5/29/2020 02:12:37 am

I've never heard that bit of Shakespeare, Joan; what a horrible tag to get stuck with, especially at a young age. No wonder you wanted to change your name. I kid about changing mine to Rainbow or Harmoni, but the fact is I've decided to stand firm and do what I can to rehabilitate the name. I'll let you know how it works out.

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Karen
5/28/2020 05:05:07 pm

From a fellow Karen, that whole “Karen” thing is bizarre!

Just a note, my daughter advised me:

“Karen’s are often in denial about being Karen’s so watch out for that too 🤣🤣🤣”

Ain’t that life sometimes?!?!

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Karen McCann
5/29/2020 02:19:18 am

The most astonishing thing is that they focused on the name Karen. According to the charts, the name peaked around 1951, when I got it, and has dropped steadily in popularity. Nowadays it doesn't even appear on most charts because nobody names their kid that anymore. And obviously its popularity will plummet even further now. No doubt your parents and mine thought they were choosing a nice, safe name for us! As you say, Karen, "Ain't that life sometimes?!?!"

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Bonnie (aka Mary)
5/28/2020 05:17:20 pm

Definitely a great article, Karen! I live in the East Bay and know exactly what you're talking about... As I don't have a husband or roomie to trim my shaggy do, guess I'll have to find a doggie groomer! Keep up the good work!

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Karen McCann
5/29/2020 02:20:59 am

Yes, it does help to have someone around to hack away at the hair, whether it's a quarantine companion or a sympathetic dog groomer. I hear the salons are opening up June 1 in some communities, so there may be hope for us soon, Bonnie. Hang in there!

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Phyllis
5/28/2020 05:17:59 pm

So glad to hear from you, Karen. Don't worry about the name thing, as it too will pass. I think that Rich did a great job on the haircut. Surely beauty shops will open soon. We live in an area where people are just throwing over the rules and doing what they want, so we are staying home. I get groceries now and then with a mask and appropriate washing up when home. Blessings on you both.

Reply
Karen McCann
5/29/2020 02:26:49 am

Thanks for your encouraging words, Phyllis. Yes, no doubt this name thing will pass. And I'm glad to hear you're being sensible and staying home; just because people are allowed to do something does not mean that it's a good idea. (Ask anyone with a head-pounding hangover.) After spending months hunkered down to avoid getting sick, I can't see throwing caution to the winds at this point. Smarter to wait a bit and keep out of harm's way.

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Nancy Solak
5/28/2020 05:31:27 pm

I saw that awful "Karen" thing trending and felt sorry for every Karen in the world. I also don't like that "Siri" (a beautiful Indian name) and "Aleksa (my granddaughter's name) have been misappropriated to inanimate objects. Yes, I know you can change the name on the device, but most people don't. Surely the tech geniuses could have come up with names that don't belong to people, especially women.

Hope your re-entry gets easier with each passing day.

Reply
Karen McCann
5/29/2020 02:29:12 am

Yes, it's awful when names get misappropriated. When I was growing up guys were often called Dick and now you can't even say it without a pornographic connotation. Let's hope this Karen nonsense blows over soon!

Reply
Maria Shipley link
5/28/2020 06:26:34 pm

I love reading your stories, and given the present circumstances, I'm sure there will be many more to follow.

Here in Germany, we have strict guidelines to follow (no surprise there 😁), but to me they seem very reasonable. I can afford to play if safe and teach from home via Skype.

This year, we also plan on taking our summer vacation a bit closer to home (Frankfurt area), which means southern Germany.

Reply
Karen McCann
5/29/2020 02:33:39 am

Yes, I've heard Germany is very precise in its approach, which I find vastly more comforting than the confusion and muddle we're in around here. I'm glad to hear you can teach from home, Maria, rather than risk exposure in a crowded classroom. And a more local vacation is wise. International travel is just too anxiety-producing to be fun at the moment; I plan to wait a while before I do it again.

Reply
Jorge del Pino
5/28/2020 07:27:02 pm

Change your name (temporally) to Nerak...!

A practical question: Do you have to show the twice daily notes to any person controlling your health?
Mark where you exchanged the thermometers and note why.

Here in Riga situation is improving fast, in the last week the number of daily cases in all Latvia is around 4 for a ~2 million population.
Face covering (a scarf or mask will do) is obligatory only at public transportation. Every second seat is marked "closed to use".
Malls are open (with a lot of sanitizers and 2m distance)
Today was reported that in Riga, according to 500 random inspections during the last 2 weeks the mask use is up to 80% from 22% on May 12.

And we have the "travel bubble" with Estonia and Lithuania...

Do you plan to cut Rich's hair?
Make a report!

Take care

Reply
Karen McCann
5/29/2020 02:42:06 am

Brilliant, Jorge. Nerak is not only Karen spelled backward, but it's an actual first name that's popular in Mexico and Russia, and signifies a responsible person. Far more excitingly, it's used in the title of the book: "Cosmic Sex (Planet Nerak, Book 2)" Obviously more research is needed on that!

As for checking up on us — no! Nobody's been in touch with us at all, let alone demanded to see the numbers. We're complying for our own well-being, but who knows about all the other travelers.

Sounds like Riga is doing a fine job of getting the numbers under control; great to hear!

As for Rich's hair, I cut it twice. The first time he was so nervous I took off a quarter of an inch then stopped. A few days ago I gave him a proper trim, and it looks pretty decent if I say so myself!

Reply
vida
5/28/2020 08:47:26 pm

karen, you are a comedian at heart. one day you should have a stand up comedy act, i'd come see you! you crack me up whenever i read your blog. keep 'em coming. besos, vida.

Reply
Karen McCann
5/29/2020 02:42:45 am

Thanks, Vida! Great to know you're enjoying reading this stuff as much as I'm loving writing it!

Reply
Susan Dunn
5/28/2020 09:26:50 pm

Sorry about the Karen thing. For a very brief period a few years ago they were doing that with the name Susan. A couple of my friends thought it was hilarious and would repost memes all the time. I told them to knock it off. Hey! Maybe that’s what stopped it!

Reply
Karen McCann
5/29/2020 02:49:15 am

I do remember the Susan thing; amazing how silly these things are when you look back on them, although they can be seriously annoying at the time. So far my friends aren't sending me Karen memes, they're sending name suggestions: Harmoni, Rainbow, Nerak, Paisley ... so far, I'm sticking with Karen.

Reply
Jeanne Laswell
5/28/2020 10:27:40 pm

Hey, Katherine (now THAT sounds regal),
We are living in Texas, ex Californians, who should be looking for a permanent home in Spain this very day. We had our Visa appointment set for the consulate in Houston on March 20th. Cancelled. How I wish we were there and not here. We live in a senior community and it's unbelievable how people are behaving regarding personal safety as well as the safety of others. Attitudes are divided along political lines which makes no sense whatsoever. We are going to continue staying close to home and wearing masks when we go out, waiting for our next round of application process to be done. August 26th, our departure date, only 3 months away, cannot wait.

Reply
Karen McCann
5/29/2020 02:58:49 am

I love the name Katherine, which does sound regal. Unfortunately my sister Kate snagged that one decades ago, so I'm not sure it's available to me now. (I doubt my parents realized they were really the same name!) Anyhow, I'm excited about your plans to go to Spain and hope it all goes smoothly from here. In the meantime, I'm glad to hear you two are being sensible about reducing your risks, upping your chances of staying healthy until August 26 rolls around. Good luck and let me know how it all goes for you!

Reply
Susan
5/28/2020 11:20:05 pm

Stay at home means stay at home here in New Zealand. Because most people obeyed we are at level two, have had no community transmission, only 22 deaths. Don’t go anywhere, it’s safer. We were only allowed out for short walks in our local area, avoid all people. Lucky your online delivery so quick, took up to 2 weeks here and I had priority status.

Reply
Karen McCann
5/29/2020 03:01:13 am

Friends in New Zealand have been telling me how impressed they are with the great job your government is doing managing this crisis. You are lucky in having leaders who reacted early and decisively. I'd trade that for fast online ordering any day!

Reply
brian bermingham
5/29/2020 01:38:53 am

Candice McCann, that's my suggestion. I think it shows a positive attitude. BTW, Rich did a fine job and your rear fringe looks mahvelous. WELCOME BACK!

Reply
Karen McCann
5/29/2020 03:04:03 am

Thanks, Brian. Great to be back. Hmmmm, do I feel like a Candice? It's a cool name, as long as they don't reduce it to Candy. I'll add it to the short list. Yes, I'll pass your praise onto Rich, he'll be so pleased. Hope you're doing well in these crazy times, my friend!

Reply
Pia Alliende link
5/29/2020 07:30:50 am

How about Prudence McCann? I am reading "The Grammarians" by Cathleen Schine, so my choice has been highly influenced by the book, Still, the way you are approaching the pandemic goes with the name.
Rich is showing us that there are so many things that we don't need in this life, and one of them is going to the hairdresser. He did a great job! (Avoiding the hairdresser has been my priority since I was 20 hahaha).
Glad you and Rich are doing well. Hopefully we can see you in the near future. Maybe vacationing in Oregon?
Here we are lucky to have a very sensible governor, and the guidance are clear, and almost everybody follows them. I use a mask when I go to public and closed places, but not everybody does. I am grateful to live in the middle of nowhere right now. Lots of time to go on bike rides where I don't see a soul, just dogs barking, deer, rock chucks, birds, and snakes.

Reply
Karen McCann
5/29/2020 04:47:50 pm

Good idea on the name, Pia. Then I could have a theme song, the Beatles' Dear Prudence. I like it!

Yes, Rich is displaying an unexpected talent for hair trimming; he may get the job permanently. So much easier than fussing around with a salon. Or dog groomer.

We'd love to see you guys when travel becomes practical again. I do admire what Oregon's governor is doing; so nice when leaders act sensibly! As for your situation, I can see how lovely it would be to live in the country and enjoy the natural world; what a nice way to rise above all the hullabaloo of these crazy times.

Reply
Marjan
5/30/2020 02:12:55 pm

"Noor" works for me! I also like Karena as so often pronounced here in Spain.

Reply
KIm Gonzalez
5/30/2020 03:48:44 pm

Karen, names are always a topic of conversation and laughter in our home. Hey, even writing my first name here, I was given Kardashian as a prompt. I'll never forget my first trip abroad to Colombia as an exchange student, trying to tell someone my name. He thought I was saying "Quien", so we went back and forth, like a "Who's on first?" shtick. Another time I decided, what the hell, I'll say my name using the Spanish pronunciation of the letter i. I was none too happy when the response was, " King? Oh, King Kong!" My husband and I are often distracted while watching the news by some of the unique names we see. Latinos love to create new ones. I once worked with a young woman whose name was Leididiana (that's a take on Lady Diana).
Well, I'm glad to know that you both survived your flights. We're still mulling over when/if/where. In the meantime Panama will begin Bloque 2 on June 1, so we'll finally be able to go out for a walk together. We've been restricted to 2 hour windows for shopping, females on certain days, males on others, and total lockdown on Sundays. And although the ley seca was finally lifted, we are still limited to one bottle of wine or one 6 pack per person. Sure wish I could put my hands on one of those Spanish magnums!

Reply



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