Juggling six kids with a 17-year age range and non-stop personalities, my mom became an expert at deflecting disaster. One of her best tricks was simply redefining the situation to suit her purposes. Take the summer I was nine and her car kept breaking down, which in those pre-cellphone days meant long walks home or to the nearest telephone booth. About the fourth or fifth time it happened, she coasted to the side of the road, turned around, and said brightly, “OK, kids, everybody out. We’re going to have an adventure!” And I said, “Aw, Mom, how come every time we’re having fun we have to go and have an adventure?” I feel a bit the same way now. Six months ago I was zipping along, leading my life, writing a travel book, hanging out with friends in Spanish cafés, having fun — and then, like everyone, I was plunged into the great, cataclysmic adventure of our times, the pandemic. Even my mom would have been hard pressed to put a positive spin on this one. But if she were here now, no doubt Mom would be busy devising strategies for helping us get a grip on our courage, our perspective, and our sense of humor. Keeping our composure isn't easy when we’re all suffering from persistent anticipatory anxiety, which psychologists now call “pre-traumatic stress reactions.” Fun fact: this informal but commonly used diagnosis originated in a satirical article in The Onion about soldiers suffering from “Pre-PSD” on the eve of battle. Now the entire global population is afflicted, and symptoms flare up at the first glimpse of the morning’s grim headlines. As my reader Lynne wrote me in response to last week’s post, “I’m really struggling with it all, nothing makes sense and there’s an awful anticipation that there could be worse to come.” Sad but true for all of us, Lynne! With the pandemic and other disasters (yes, California wildfires, I’m thinking of you) continuing remorselessly on, how can we hope to keep our mental equilibrium? Can we find ways to take a break from all the doom and gloom? Yes! Aside from the obvious — wine, chocolate, and yoga — here are the simplest, most effective, mind-clearing, soul-restoring strategies I know. 1.Schedule something to look forward to. While waiting around for the next disaster, why not add something to the agenda we can anticipate with pleasure? I’ve written before about how explorer Earnest Shackleton organized weekly entertainments to keep his crew sane during more than two years trapped in the Antarctic ice. Dogsled races and head shaving aren’t practical in my current circumstances, but Rich and I organize a date night every week or so, with a theme such as 1950s sci-fi, dive bar hopping, going to a drive-in movie, or having a picnic. This week we’re holding a Cary Grant marathon; so far we’ve watched Arsenic and Old Lace, His Girl Friday, and Charade. (Want to help us decide which of his other films to watch? Leave suggestions in the comments below.) 2. Eat well. I used to love dining out, but now the very thought of being unmasked around dozens of barefaced strangers makes me jittery. I know what happens to everyone’s caution (especially mine) after the second glass of wine! So I’m staying home and cooking comfort food — the kind with healthy, wholesome ingredients to satisfy the body and scrumptious flavor to gratify the soul. This being peach season, a few days ago I made Yogurt Peach Pie for the first time in ages, using a recipe given to me decades ago by my mom's sister, Beverly. Even before I served the last slice Rich made me promise to make another soon. Like immediately. [Get Aunt Beverly's Yogurt and Peach Pie Recipe here.] 3. Organize projects. Rich is happiest when he’s deep into home improvements, so as soon as we returned from Spain in May, I suggested we finally renovate a long-ignored section of garden where an old fence was perilously close to collapsing onto the street. Over the past three months we’ve spent countless hours checking out neighbors’ landscaping and debating the finer points of gates, shrubbery, and brick vs. gravel. He loves the technical side, I love playing with the aesthetics. The heavy lifting has just been completed, and we have months more fun ahead doing the fiddly bits with flowers and lighting. A carpenter we know made us a new garden gate from some old barn planks, and I let the paint bring out the fabulous scars and grain in the wood. The inset window is actually an old rusted floor vent; I ordered it online, and when it arrived I was delighted to discover the flaps still open and close. 4. Perform acts of kindness and connectivity. Boy Scouts are required to do a good deed every day, and if we all did, the world would be a better place. Social distancing eliminates many of the classics, like helping old ladies across the street. But we can reach out to friends, family, colleagues, and communities with emails, Zoom calls, and cheerful comments on social media. Each contact, however small, serves as a welcome reminder that at least we’re not facing this horror show alone. Through the magic of Zoom, we've connected with Rich's old Navy buddies, attended a friend's poetry reading, participated in a town hall meeting for retrofitting the town's sidewalks for social distancing, and spent countless hours talking with friends and family about where this crazy situation is headed. 5. Learn something new. I recently watched a Netflix documentary on memory which demonstrated how poorly humans recall events and speculated about how such a faulty system could possibly offer any evolutionary advantage. Scientists showed how the parts of the brain that network to remember events are the same ones used to envision the future. Turns out memory’s value lies not in recording the past but in collecting data that enables us to piece together ideas about what’s likely to happen next. “Your mind is a time machine,” said the narrator. Viewed that way, “it looks like a superpower, the key to our success as a species.” Right now, that’s one superpower most of us don’t want. Our brains are flooded with terrifying images of the present — the pandemic, teetering economy, rising sea levels, my home state in flames — that leave little room to hope for a secure future. But as Helen Keller pointed out, "Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing." So I guess I finally have my answer to the question I asked Mom all those years ago. How come we keep having our fun interrupted by adventures? Because life happens outside our comfort zone. Right now our superpower — having our brains hardwired to ransack our memories for components with which to assemble images of probable futures — is giving us all nightmares. But in the long run, if it helps us get our heads around the shape of things to come and take action, it could boost our chances of survival exponentially. In the meantime, we can rely on useful and creative work, connecting with the people we love, and our own stout hearts to sustain us on the bumpy road into tomorrow. Good luck out there! Let me know how you're holding up. And send me suggestions for Cary Grant classics to watch during this week's movie marathon. Up next: Humphrey Bogart. YOU MIGHT ALSO ENJOY Stay in touch!
Lots more pandemic coping strategies and comfort food recipes to come.
25 Comments
8/27/2020 04:17:11 pm
Again, you've nailed it. If I could just get the pandemic to stop oh the places I would go and the things I would do! Yesterday on FB I posted that a polecat had emptied our water tank of the long-awaited and precious water. That repaired and water running. This morning the water wouldn't quit running when we flushed the toilet. No time for that as we had to get the emissions test done at a certain time in Kalamata. I've decided that as mountains of garbage grow around us and the water trickles in every so often that it will be the #summerofourdiscontent . Who has time to think about pandemic or the good stuff like travel?? Keep the articles coming!! xxx
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Karen McCann
8/27/2020 06:06:28 pm
Glad you liked the post, Bert. One thing about the pandemic, I'll never run out of things to write about!
Karen McCann
8/27/2020 06:04:31 pm
Jackie, I'm sorry to hear you are beset with such a cascade of householder woes, on top of all the other global worries — #summerofourdiscontent indeed! At least you're not sitting around idly wondering what to do with all your spare time; the house, the car, and the polecat see to that. Like you, I sure miss travel and the way it refreshes the spirit. Now my biggest excursion of the week is going to a hardware store. Here's hoping the world becomes a healthier place soon and we can get back to exploring it. In the meantime, I will certainly keep the articles coming.
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Teri Byrnes
8/27/2020 04:28:21 pm
You are so right about having plans to keep hands, mind and body busy through this crazy time. It is the only way I keep my sanity.
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Karen McCann
8/27/2020 06:12:26 pm
All wonderful suggestions for our Cary Grant marathon, Teri. In fact, we may have to extend it for another week. I remember the old days when we watched whatever happened to be on TV, interrupted constantly with commercials. Now I can spend the evening with Cary Grant any time I like. Now that's progress!
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Love your "new" door! We worry about the you, Rich and the fires. Glad you're still okay. As for Cary Grant films, we've watched a few lately (To Catch a Thief and His Girl Friday) but the best is one you rarely hear about: Indiscreet. 1958 with Ingrid Bergman. Be sure you don't miss the part where he dances!!
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Karen McCann
8/27/2020 06:20:19 pm
Thanks for the hot tip, Jo. I'm sure I must have seen Indiscreet long ago, but I don't remember it at all. Can't wait to watch it. I found the dance scene on YouTube and it's a pip. [For those who haven't seen it, check out that scene here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CmDkiZcCIY.]
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Nancy Solak
8/27/2020 05:49:34 pm
Thank you for the peach pie recipe. Peaches are my favorite fruit and August is ripe with them!
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Karen McCann
8/27/2020 06:22:17 pm
This is the perfect time of year to indulge Aunt Bev's pie, and I'm so glad you're going to give it a try, Nancy. Let me know how you like it!
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Caroline Van Antwerp
8/27/2020 07:09:29 pm
Have you watched Briinging up Baby? Hilarious.
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Karen McCann
8/27/2020 08:37:58 pm
Caroline, it's a family favorite. My sister Melissa used to play it for her kids on a regular basis when they were little. I haven't seen it in ages and will definitely add it to the list. Those scenes with the leopard! Cary Grant as a befuddled paleontologist! Pure gold.
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Linda Reilly
8/27/2020 08:16:49 pm
Thanks for the peach pie recipe. Can't wait to try it. You're column keeps my spirits up ... this is certainly a tough year. Stay safe from those fires.
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Karen McCann
8/27/2020 08:42:04 pm
Linda, I'm so glad to do anything that helps keep up those spirits. Such a challenging year for everyone, and I know the CO fires are fierce and frightening now. Stay safe, my friend, and whenever possible, eat peach pie. I just made another one this morning and pulled it out of the oven five minutes ago. I can hardly wait for it to cool enough to eat. Let me know how you like the recipe.
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KIm de Gonzalez
8/27/2020 09:29:14 pm
Karen, your advice and outlook are always spot on! I take comfort realizing I'm following your strategies without really planning (but a plan is always a good idea). We look forward to exploring our new city and discovering its secrets. We also eat well (most of the time) as I also mostly home cook. Want to try the peach pie recipe but not sure if graham crackers are available in Spain. Have you found them here? Projects can be tricky in a rental but I've made a pillow out of a linen blouse and hubby has put together a few IKEA pieces. Zooming with family, reconnected with an old friend via Instagram, and think our local florists could be considered new friends. As for learning something new, I've signed up for online classes in Valenciana and am planning to relearn how to embroider; first project is a mojito in all its beautiful shades of green.
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Karen McCann
8/28/2020 04:26:50 pm
Kim, it sounds like you're doing a great job adapting to your new city and finding plenty to keep you busy and engaged. As for your question, graham crackers are available online at Amazon.es, but they're very expensive (26.57 euors a box!). I'd check the supermarket in El Corte Inglés and also Taste of America at Avinguda Regne de Valencia, 6. If they don't have them, you may be able to find something similar, such as vanilla wafers or the like. If you can't find anything suitable, there are recipes online for making your own graham crackers. Here's one, using simple ingredients: https://www.biggerbolderbaking.com/homemade-graham-crackers/. It calls for vanilla extract, which is also somewhat difficult to find in Spain. I buy mine at El Corte Inglés in the gourmet section or online from Amazon.es. Finding ingredients gets SO complicated in a foreign country; just think of it as a quest or a new hobby!
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KIM DE GONZALEZ
8/31/2020 08:03:45 pm
Thanks so much for your suggestions! We stumbled upon Taste of America during our afternoon walk. No graham crackers but I did find vanilla extract, plus we bought some tortilla chips, salsa, and Tabasco. Now I know where to go when I've gotta have Cheez-its, Goldfish, peanut butter or Pepperidge Farm cookies.
Paul Guerin
8/27/2020 09:37:34 pm
Let’s raise a toast to the Ever Ready Bunny...takes a licking and keeps on ticking!
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Karen McCann
8/28/2020 04:27:53 pm
A good metaphor for us all these days, Paul! Cheers!
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Lynne Reynolds
8/27/2020 11:18:10 pm
Oh Karen, spot on again, we all need a regular dose of your wise words to keep our spirits up, thank you!
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Karen McCann
8/28/2020 04:48:25 pm
We are definitely on the same wavelength here, Lynne. The Philadelphia Story is such a family favorite that my sister Melissa named her firstborn male child Dexter for Cary Grant's character in the film. One of the all-time great movies.
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Janet
9/1/2020 11:50:33 pm
Do you plan to return to Seville?
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Karen McCann
9/2/2020 03:16:39 am
I do, Janet, but I'm not sure when. Rich and I have tickets for late November, but I'm waiting to see what happens with the pandemic. Spain's numbers are spiking, restrictions are coming back, and there's talk of another quarantine. There's not much point in making the journey just to go into lockdown. So Rich and I are taking a wait and see attitude about the timing..
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Kate
9/2/2020 08:00:05 pm
"Life happens outside our comfort zone..." I love it!
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Karen McCann
9/7/2020 04:02:38 pm
Kate, these are fabulous suggestions‚ thanks!! Rich and I just watched the Maltese Falcon and Big Sleep. This week we're doing Hitchcock films. There is so much wonderful cinema out there and so many movies worth watching a second time — or in the case of Casablanca, over and over again. I hadn't thought of historic dramas, and as I haven't seen any of the three you mention, I've got lots of happy hours of period drama ahead of me. Thank heaven's for streaming!
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